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About Literature / Hobbyist NemoFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 6 Years
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Statistics 25 Deviations 7,072 Comments 9,381 Pageviews




Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
I WAS a graphic/web designer. At least that's what I studied in college... But I was following someone else's dream. I'm a writer. I'm writing and researching for two fantasy novels. I'm also writing a dream diary, a children's book, and a series of short stories. I love nature photography. I make my own jewelry.

I am currently in school to become a medical secretary. I have straight A's too! I originally wanted to be a surgeon, but I love animals too much to dissect them (even if the ARE already dead). I tend to suffer from depression and I have what my doctors call "Severe ADHD". I can't seem to stay on target for getting published with or without medication. I am looking forward to graduation so I can focus more on getting published. So far my"research score" is 6/20 subjects. The research isn't mandatory. It's fantasy. I could pull things out of my ass and make it sound real. But I want it to be more authentic than that.

Current Residence: The Moon
deviantWEAR sizing preference: ........No
Print preference: ?????
Favourite genre of music: Metal, jazz, classical, opera, dubstep, anything Korean or Japanese
Favourite photographer: Ansel Adams
Favourite style of art: Jewelry making. Its so zen that I can just meditate while doing it.
Operating System: Fuck Macs
MP3 player of choice: iheartradio or youtube. I'm rarely without my computer.
Shell of choice: Turtle XD
Wallpaper of choice: Anything with L Lawliet on it.
Skin of choice: My own.
Favourite cartoon character: L from Death Note
Personal Quote: Nothing is better than being free.
I'm so guilty of this.  I joke around about ADHD and liken it to having my own personal "mind playground".  In many cases this is true.  I have to take a sleeping pill every night because if I didn't, I would never sleep.  I have so many worlds, characters, and just ideas in general swimming around in my mind at night.  It is utter chaos.  I will try to sleep and then I will get caught up in a whirlwind of magic and make believe.  It sounds whimsical and wonderful.  Some days it is.

But there are some days where all I want to do is go out, buy a gun, and blow my brains out.  With ADHD comes very little understanding, people without the condition abusing ADHD medication, many jokes from other people, and severe depression.  When I was in school I was convinced that I was stupid because a boy said "you use Ritalin, you must be stupid".  It didn't even matter that my grades said otherwise.  I thought that I must be stupid.  I couldn't focus or sit still if my life depended on it and to this day, my memory is complete and utter shit.  I'll make a check list but then I forget to look at it for days.  The only reason my bills get paid on time is because I'm so paranoid about forgetting them.  I try to be positive but I always wind up being negative.  I have a very bad temper.  A lot of this can be attributed to ADHD.

ADHD is often missed in adults as it shares so many same traits with depression that the depression will get treated but the ADHD will be completely missed.  In other words, without treating the whole problem, you're just covering it up.  You may as well take a placebo instead of a zoloft.  ADHD is made fun of, misunderstood, and over diagnosed to the point where of financial/work place assistance for it, there often isn't any to be had.  No one sees it as a disease.  They see it as someone who is lazy yet hyper and immature.  Considering ADHD can sometimes be misdiagnosed as BRAIN DAMAGE, I'd say that that's a pretty real and serious disease.

ADHD can impede upon one's ability to form lasting relationships romantic or otherwise.  This is incredibly painful for all who are involved, especially the person with ADHD as we're usually the ones who are dumped.  ADHD includes impulse control.  We can's shut our mouths and often cheat on our lovers.  ADHD increases the likeliness that the victim will become addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc.  My addiction?  Writing and the internet.  It's so bad that I come home right after work and get on my computer.  It's so bad that I will feel anxiety if I am not on my computer.  I'm amazed that I have the self-control to keep from surfing the internet at work.

Depression truly does cause physical pain.  When I'm happy I'm on the top of the world and so damn hyper it isn't funny.  When I'm depressed I want to curl up and disappear.  I don't even sleep.  I just lay there on the sofa and watch funny videos on youtube, hoping for a laugh, all the while my heart feels like a led weight because I'm suffering from writer's block.  Me!  The woman who needs to take sleeping pills to shut her brain up so she can sleep!

Do I care if you learn anything by my writing this?  No.
Do I expect people to stop taking ADHD as a joke?  Hell, I probably won't even do that!  I just needed to rant.
Will I actually blow my brains out?  Maybe one day...  I'm tired of feeling alone and helpless no matter how proactive I try to be about my ADHD and depression.
What am I doing to help my depression?  Writing, listening to "happy" music, working out, cooking, baking, jewelry making...  I only work part time so I have no insurance.  Obama care and the like is SO over priced in my area that it's just cheaper to take the fine.
Do I want attention/sympathy?  Not particularly, but I am on a soap box.  I'm going to get off now because my ass hurts, part of the fun of being part Japanese and not having an ass...
  • Listening to: Jean Sibelius
  • Reading: My Novel
  • Watching: Food Network
  • Playing: Borderlands 2
  • Eating: Sushi
  • Drinking: Green Tea


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tultsi93 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2016  Hobbyist Artist

I'm sorry, but I have to close KougaTintinFC. :( It's every difficult desision, but I at least it's sensible. It doens't have members and popularity enough. I'm really thankful you have had fun and enyoied yourself.

I wish you good day. :)

CielPhantomhivex1 Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2015  Hobbyist
Hey buddy. How is everything? I'm getting better at my video editing. I got Six/Rex videos up and about. You don't have to worry about them not being much on YouTube anymore. Also i made a new ship known as  Instinct-shipping. Between Darkar/Valtor. Both evil,both are power hungry. But misunderstood.
SmudDragon Featured By Owner May 2, 2014  Hobbyist
Thanks for the fave! :D
bornthiswayfox Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hi, Your supposed to Passs it on to the most beautiful girl you know <333c:Your beautiful ! Tomorrow two boys will say can I have your number ? Or do you have a boyfriend ? Send this message to 15 nice beautiful girls or bad luck starts for a whole year. This is not fake. Apparently if you copy and paste this you will have the best day of your life tomorrow. You will either get kissed or asked out. If you break this chain you will see a little dead girl n your room tonight. In 35 minutes someone will say I love you ,I'm sorry or Iwanna go out with you ,your time starts now don't waste time.
CielPhantomhivex1 Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2014  Hobbyist
Sorry that i been busy. A lot of things happened. And i was on vacation to get away from my family.

I was well with my mom. We had fun and everything.
Dreamer-Of-Ravens Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2014  Student Filmographer
Many thanks for the :+fav: on Assassin Trapped in a Box - Sk.

Glad you liked it :la:
CielPhantomhivex1 Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Hobbyist
Hello. We never got to talk. I made the epic roleplay ever with Six and Rex. Were feels are felt and happy tears are there. So i did a banner off the couple. I know i don't own them. But thank you for loving my ideas and banners. Your like my best friend here. 
I-AM-FINALLY-FREE Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
La la la la Tackling hug

You made a roleplay?!  That sounds amazing!  Best friends!  Woo!
CielPhantomhivex1 Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2014  Hobbyist
Oh yes i did! ^^ Also thank you. And awwww. x3
I-AM-FINALLY-FREE Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
That's so cool!  What was the plot (if there was any...)?
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